she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
