Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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