yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
