I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
