i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I am one with the molecules
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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