every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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