I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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