You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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