There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
