I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
