I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
