the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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