She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize