if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
