He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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