He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
NoShamevember. You game?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize