Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
