Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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