Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
In America we eat man semen.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
