Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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