On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
