he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
