Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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