I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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