I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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