Umm I'm too high to move.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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