a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
