So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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