how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
