Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
