TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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