Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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