Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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