I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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