i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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