just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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