Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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