theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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