What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
