i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
