after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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