DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
