Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
