Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
