Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
sarcasm needs its own font
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
