We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
