I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
