Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
