Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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