how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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