You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
