I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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