I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
