if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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