You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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