i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
being pregnant is like rehab
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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