i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
