he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
