Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
