I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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