in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think people are normalizing furries
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
