I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
