I just cut my nipple shaving
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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