i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Someone signed my nipple.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
