ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
